The Flowers That Grow in the Garden of Love
by Wildcard
Summary: It's easy to make a choice if all you're risking is your own life. It's harder if it's the life of your love. Lucius has to choose between two girls, and two lives. LuciusxLily, NarcissaxLucius. One of the few long, non-slash stories I've written.


TheGarden

The Garden Of Love.  
  
By Dreamer  
  
I am Lucius Malfoy. At the turning point of my life, there were two girls involved, pulling me in different directions. Both were named after flowers. One was called Narcissa, and she is the girl I married. The other girl was called Lily, and she was the girl I loved. Soon after my marriage to Narcissa, I researched their names. What I found seemed very appropriate.  
  
Narcissi: A beautiful flower, named after a boy who was so conceited that he fell in love with his own reflection and withered away to become a flower. The flower grows from a bulb and usually has yellow or white flower. Narcissistic people are very arrogant and self-absorbed.  
  
Lily: A plant that also grows from a bulb. It has white or colored flowers shaped like a trumpet. Lilies are often associated with purity.  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
I have bravery   
to spend on pain....  
  
In the past, when Lucius went to Hogwarts:  
  
When I was in Hogwarts, they who feared me, respected me. Not many people actually cared about me enough to hate or like me, apart from Severus and James. Severus was my little slave, he was so awed by me that he would obey my every order, concocting poisons and potions for me, even if it took him all night. James was different. James resisted me because I was me. At the same time though, he pitied me. Pity was one of the few things that I hadn't received before and I didn't like it. I set out deliberately to show him that I was not to be trifled with. Everything I did only seemed to make him pity me even more. Until I had an idea that I wasn't sure I could carry it out. There was no doubt whatsoever that it would work, nobody could ever resist me for long, but I felt sorry for him.   
  
He was the only person that tried to look below the surface, to find out what the apple was like under the smooth, red skin. And for that I wanted to peel off his skin, turn him inside out until I saw who he was inside and then leave him like that, exposed and vulnerable for the scavengers. But with that oaf Sirius Black around, I couldn't harm him. Or should I say that I couldn't harm him openly which ruled out physically beating the crap out of him but I could engage in a bit of mental torture. //You'll be sorry James, you'll be sorry that you ever knew me.//  
  
He is from Gryffindor. His friends are Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. How appropriate, a muscle-bound moron and a werewolf. Potions class is boring. //I don't need to listen because I know that my little slave Severus will do my work for me.// I can focus all my attention on James. //Beautiful, innocent little James, when I'm finished you'll be demon food.// Sunlight streams down from a window, tousling his black, midnight black hair, making his angelic blue eyes shine like twin stars. I glance at Remus. //I could hardly believe it when Severus told me that he was a werewolf.//   
  
The dainty, vegetarian werewolf is scribbling away on his parchment while Sirius massages his back, poking the tip of his tongue out of his mouth with concentration. // Pathetic, what kind of person needs to concentrate to give someone a massage? He may have the looks of a demon but he doesn't have the brains. Little Remus-boy must have to do all his thinking for him, but who thinks for James? The beautiful, lily-white, lily-pure Lily? She is so much smarter than she seems.//   
  
I sneak a look at Lily. She is beautiful, even I had to admit it. She has such beautiful, curly, carmine-colored hair and such gleaming jade-green eyes. She is petite but perfectly proportioned, and she is also James's weak point. //I see the way you look at her James. You want her, just like every other Gryffindor boy around. She's too pure for you though, isn't she? Won't even give you the time of day. I doubt that she could resist me. I think I'll try, just to see the look on your face when you realize that you lost your dream-girl to a Slytherin, and your own personal enemy. // Class ends and I vault out of my chair, leaving my bag for Crabbe or Goyle to pick up.   
  
Lily, my divine angel, may I have the honor of carrying your bag? Any task that I can perform for you is not too small. I say lightly, giving her one of my best bows and a 100-watt smile. She looks confused and then smiles, bewildered. I have never spoken to her before and she knows me only by reputation. Most people say that I am rich, smart, a show-off, and not someone to cross; there is nothing for her to really object to.  
  
Of course you can Malfoy. She hands me her small, tasteful pink book-bag. I bow and move to the side, signaling for her to go first. She walks of to her next class, chatting with her friend Arabella. I glance over my shoulder. James is just standing there, looking shocked and anxious. //Worried about what'll happen to your little angel? You should, after all I'm just using her to get to you.//  
  
Luckily, our next class is Defense Against The Dark Arts which we have together. Today we're studying Alicorns, the evolved, Dark version of unicorns. They look like unicorns but have fangs, wings and sharp hooves. We are studying how to defend ourselves against them. There about 15 of them, corralled together in a pen near the lake. Unicorns can only be touched by virgins but the opposite went for Alicorns. Virgins couldn't touch Alicorns so our teacher told us not to go near them, as if he really believed that we were all virgins! That didn't apply to me, none of the rules applied to me. //Fool, I think I'll show you just how good I am with animals.//  
  
I select a pure-black Alicorn with a rippling silver mane, dazzling silver wings and eyes of silver, like mine but they are silver from edge to edge, instead of only having silver pupils. I walk over to it and deliberately stroke its mane. It whinnies and then rears up, trying to get away from me. I stroke it gently and speak softly, in a gentle tone. I speak of murder, of torture of all things evil, and it calms down to the point that it deigns to sniff at me, it's sharp fangs brushing against my cheek. My entire class, teacher included is frozen with fear, scared to move in case they frighten the Alicorn. Now that they can see that it won't harm me, the teacher plucks up enough courage to reprimand me for disobeying orders. I stare at him disdainfully and continue stroking the Alicorn.   
  
I place one hand at the end of the Alicorns neck and vault upwards, to land gently on its back. It neighs wildly, and I grasp a handful of his mane. I squeeze it with my knees and it unfolds its wing and takes off, flying upwards. We fly across the sun, casting a shadow on the petrified class below us. I pull on her mane and she swoops down, slicing through the air. //Black Shadow, I think that I'll call you Black Shadow.// We descend, and she makes a two point landing, front hooves, then back hooves. Her hooves striking the earth jars me a little bit, but I hang on and when she is quite still, I gracefully leap off her back, landing on one knee in front of Lily.  
  
Fair Lily, willst thou ride with me on my trusty steed? I ask her whimsically, taking her hand into mine and gently kissing her palm. She blushes prettily, and smiles a dimpled smile.  
  
I- I'd love to but I can't. Now if it were a unicorn...... she let the sentence trail off so I jump in.  
  
If it were a unicorn, then you would be able to ride it and I would watch you from the side-lines. I say jokingly, aiming for another pretty smile. I get it and am over-joyed at the look James shoots me. // My, oh my, what's wrong James? Thinking that murder ought to be legal.....at least when it comes to Slytherins with silver eyes and hair?// Our teacher clears his throat.  
  
Yes, well, very nicely done Malfoy but we are supposed to be wary of these Dark Creatures, not treat them as allies. Only Dark wizards fly around on Alicorns. After saying that, he walks off to try and inspect Black Shadow. // Dark wizards only, hmm? Guess that I just gave away an important piece of information about me. Doesn't matter, it won't be long until I get His mark to prove to the world who I am. // I spend the rest of the class flying around on Black Shadow since our teacher cannot deny my obvious skill at taming wild beasts, of the Dark persuasion anyway. The rest of my class spends the lesson erecting Fairy Fences to scare off the Alicorns. //Useless thing to do anyway. Alicorns don't like virgins so they would probably fly away from this lot.......except for Sirius, he is so blatant, well Sirius is at any rate might have some luck with the Alicorns. He definitely is close enough to the darkness, I'd say that he is the roughest one in their little clique.//   
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
I have confidence   
to wall up fear......  
  
Finally the day has ended. Today was okay, except for Defense Against The Dark Arts which was super! I lie awake, remembering how James looked when I kissed Lily's palm, waiting patiently for midnight and when it arrives, I creep out of my dormitory. I shake Severus awake before I leave and he gives me the newest Invisibility Potion that he made.  
  
Lucius, Lucius please can I come with you? I swear I'll be quiet, I won't make a sound! He pleads, looking at me beseechingly. I glare at him. Even in the dark, he can see the look on my face and shuts up. I tilt my head back and drink down the Potion, it's fiery taste scorching my throat. I walk out of the dormitory, confident in my invisibility. As I shut the door, I can see Severus sitting on his bed, his knees tucked under his chin, staring at the doorway as if he was trying to see me. To make sure that he hasn't betrayed me, I go and stand in front of the mirror. Nothing. I walk out of the common room and make my way out to the lake, where the Alicorns are tethered to steel posts with ropes of xanadanium silver to stop them from flying away.   
  
I head straight for Black Shadow and pulling out my dagger, slide it under the collar that she is wearing. I turn it so that the sharp edge is near to both her skin and the leather collar and jerk upwards, away from her. The collar slithers off to the ground and she is free. She can't see me, but she can smell me so she waits there for me. //Her chance for freedom and she wants me to share it? First time anybody has ever been so kind to me.// I slap her rump gently and taking off my Portkey, hold it just over her horn, making sure that it doesn't touch either her or me.   
  
It is a silver dragon with black eyes made out of opals strung on a dragon-hide cord. I hold it gingerly by the cord and then touch the tip of her horn with it. Her eyes widen and then her entire body shudders. There is a bright FLASH of light and she disappears. I had just sent her to my mansion, to wait for me until the end of the school-year. I free all the other Alicorns but I don't send them to my mansion, only encourage them to fly off into the black night-sky.  
  
I go back to my dorm and find Severus still waiting for me. //He has been sitting there all this time? What an imbecile to think that anything could ever happen to me.//  
  
He whispers fearfully, his voice is barely audible. You-you didn't kill Potter or anything, did you?  
  
No. I actually went and freed some poor, oppressed slaves. I reply sarcastically.  
  
I don't understand Lucius. What did you do to the house-elves? He asks, looking at me with fear in his eyes.  
  
Nothing. You'll find out tomorrow what I did. I roll my eyes at him, a useless gesture since he can't even see me. //When does this Invisibility Potion wear off? Probably before breakfast. Severus might be a fool, but he is excellent at making potions.// Reassured, I fall asleep.  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
I have courage   
to fight danger when it comes........  
  
It is morning. Breakfast is nothing special. My owl brings me another package from home, this time it is a huge box of Chocolate Frogs. I remove the card and quickly write Lily's name on the box in a flowing calligraphy style. After thinking for a bit, I attach a card that I had transfigured out of my fork. It said:  
  
Lily,  
I beg you to accept this humble gift from your love-struck slave. If it is refused, he will pine away all for the love of you. Stain not your beautiful hands with his blood, be not responsible for his death.  
  
Love,   
Lucius Malfoy.  
  
  
//The message has just the right combination of laughter and love, not so sentimental that she would think that I'm actually in love with her and refuse the gift, but flirty enough for her to know that I like her. // I send my owl over to the Gryffindor table and watch her closely.  
  
She looks at my eagle owl with surprise but accepts the gift. She looks at the card and flushes an attractive shade of pink. She looks up at me and smiles gratefully. Arabella grabs the card out of her hands and reads the message. Lily tries to get it back but Arabella throws it to James who sees my hand-writing and looks as if he wants to tear it up. He scans the card and then looks up at me with pure hatred in his eyes. He gives the card back to Lily and then storms out of the Great Hall. Sirius and Remus are confused but they run after him.   
  
The three of them miss the headmasters announcement that the entire herd of Alicorns have been stolen. Most of the Slytherins know that I must have done it, especially since I have zero regard for authority and a friend who's a whiz when it comes to making potions. // It doesn't matter, they can't pin anything on me, try as they may.// I walk over to the Gryffindor table and bow from the waist in front of Lily.  
  
My lady, your humble slave awaits your commands for today. I look at her with my best innocent' look. She stares at me and then collapses with helpless laughter, holding the wall for support. I act injured but over do it on purpose.  
  
I think that this is the first time anybody's actually found me funny. Any reason in particular for cracking up like that? Did I suddenly grow Alicorn wings? Of course, that only made her laugh even harder, like it was supposed to.   
  
I'll carry your books to our Divination class. If you ever stop laughing, then you can you tell me what the joke is. I suggest, chivalrously taking her books from her unresisting arms and walking away, glancing over my shoulder to make sure that she would follow me. She does.  
  
When we reach Divination class, I pull out a chair for her and wait until she had sits down. I sit down across from her. Professor Trelwaney emerges from her hidden recess and glides to the center of the room.   
She is wearing what looks like an over-sized glittering green ballgown.  
  
She looks like a mutant fly. I mutter to Lily. Lily snorts and then her shoulders start shaking as she tries to suppress her laughter. Professor Trelwaney didn't notice of course, she never notices anything.  
  
Today we shall be reading palms class. Please take out your textbooks and proceed. I will come around and offer suggestions where appropriate. I gaze across the table at Lily until she takes out her textbook and lays her small, delicate hand in mine. I lick my lips nervously and stare at her soft, pale, perfectly shaped hand. I don't even bother opening my textbook.   
  
Okay, I predict that you will have-   
  
Lucius, you'd probably be able to read my palm better if you actually had you textbook open. I smile guiltily and open my textbook at random.  
  
Okay, you see this line. It's your life-line. It's really long so that means that you'll live for a long time. This other line down here is your love line. It has all these little lines and stuff so I can see who your true love is. He has creamy-white hair and silver eyes. He comes from a really old, respected family. He is great at Quidditch and excels in all his classes. He has adored you from afar for years but has never had enough courage to speak............until now. He will be your devoted slave if only you will love him in return. Unfortunately, you haven't told him how you feel about him. I gaze at her with obvious admiration. Suppressed merriment is glittering in her verdant eyes.  
  
My turn. She announces suddenly. She takes my hand in hers and traces my life-line with her fingertips.  
  
Just from looking at your hand I can tell a lot about you. For example, you are very self-confidant. You think that all you have to do is pay a girl a compliment and buy her some gifts to make her fall into your arms. My heart sinks. //Why is her tone so cold? I did everything right and I was nice to her.// Her face softens as she continues.  
  
But you are also very witty, charming and polite. You are intelligent and athletic at the same time. You said your heart belongs to an equally charming girl who isn't quite sure what to do with it, but I can't see any indication that you have one. I smile at her and answer playfully.  
  
Well, I'll just have to prove you wrong then, won't I? How about I start with a song or a dance? Even better yet, how about we go to a dance together? I ask her lightly, the easy words slipping from my tongue as if they were unplanned, which of course, they weren't. //Let's see if she takes the bait.// She looks confused.  
  
What dance? I didn't know that Hogwarts was having a dance. She protests, looking to me for an answer.  
  
It's supposed to be a surprise. Apparently, they are having a Valentine's Ball. Be mine, be my Valentine... .....date! I slide off my chair onto my knees and kneel in front of her. I hold my hand out to her with my palm up and then blow lightly. A perfect red, red rose appears as if from nowhere. Its petals glisten with crystal-like dewdrops and it has a long, slender, thorn-free stalk. I look at her with my very best pleading look. Her lips twitch and then she accepts the rose.  
  
I have a feeling that I'm going to regret this, but sure, if they're having a Valentines ball I'll go with you. That is, assuming that Professor Trelawney doesn't give you detention. //She accepted! I knew the rose would do the trick! Wait, what did she say about detention?// I turn around slowly. Professor Trelawney is standing right behind me. //She doesn't look pleased.//  
  
Professor Trelwaney! Would you like a rose as well? As the second most beautiful female in the room, you deserve one! I smile at her contritely. She frowns at me.  
  
Malfoy, get off your knees and do some work for a change. If you do not, I predict that you will fail my class! She thunders in an unusually down-to-earth voice. I nod seriously and as soon as she moves off, I sink into my chair. Lily is giggling. //I suppose that was kind of funny. Second most beautiful female? Hah! Now, THAT is funny! Forget that, the idea of her being beautiful at all is plain funny!// I start laughing as well. At first I try to hold it back and then I really crack up, doubling over with laughter, unable to stop myself. Lily stops laughing and looks at me in amazement. She waits patiently until I stop laughing.  
  
You know Lucius, that is the first time I ever heard you laugh. Everybody says that you are always so serious! At I know that you're human now. I grin at her, abandoning my fake, kind, good smiles that I had been using on her because I thought that was the kind of person she'd like.   
  
Actually, I'm not completely human. I have just the tiniest bit of Veela blood in me. It isn't much, but it's enough to ensure that everybody in my family has ivory hair. I look at her as I speak to see if she shares any of the prejudices against Veela that Muggles have. She doesn't seem shocked, in fact she looks intrigued.   
  
How far back is the Veela blood in you? She asks curiously.  
  
At least 6 generations. Besides, she wasn't a pure Veela either, only half-blood. I explain.  
  
Are there any male Veela?  
  
Why do you want to know? Bored with me already? She blushes. // That seemed to work. I wish that James was in my Divination class so badly so that he could see what luck I'm having with Lily. //  
  
Male Veela are really rare. That's why Veela look so similar, they are all profoundly inbred. That doesn't effect their genetics though. We spend the rest of the lesson chatting about different races and I actually enjoy it. //Who would have thought that she would turn out to be so interesting?//  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
But there is no defense against loneliness.  
  
I like the lake. It's the only place in the entire school where I can get some peace. All I have to do is lean back against the willow trees and relax. If I close my eyes, I can almost see Lily and the way she looked today during the Divination lesson, especially the way she looked when she accepted my invitation to the dance. I look at the silvery surface of the lake and notice that James is standing right behind the willow trees. //Why didn't I hear him? Oh, he's on his broom. Why didn't I see him then? Maybe he also has an Invisibility Potion. Remus-boy is more than capable of mixing them up. Should I let him know that I saw him? Or do I wait and see what he's up for? Or maybe I should do something to bring him out of the shadows.......//  
  
I cast an Illusion to make it seem as if Lily is walking around the edge of the lake. Good Illusions are really hard to cast. They reach into the minds of anybody that sees them and tangles up the section of the brain that is responsible for deciphering the messages that our eyes send so that the person will think they see whatever shape the Illusion is cast in. I'm only average at them but I've had lots of practice. I often cast Illusions of myself during classes so that I can skip class without getting into trouble. This Illusion looks exactly like Lily, except that she is wearing a figure-hugging, spring-green robe that looks like it is made out of silk. Basically, that means that she looks even more gorgeous than ever!  
  
I make her walk to me and then stop right in front of me. I bow from the waist and peek quickly at the lake. //James looks like he is going to have a heart-attack. Serves him right for spying on me.// I pull her into my arms. She looks solid enough but there is nothing there so I have to be careful not to wave my arm through her or do anything to tip James off to the fact that this isn't really Lily. I place my fingers under where her chin should be and make the Illusion-Lily tilt her head up and part her lips slightly as if she is waiting for a kiss. I then make her close her eyelids. I curve my head as if I am about to kiss her but I'm really checking how James is reacting in the lake.   
  
He is simmering, but his eyes look awful, as if someone just ripped his soul out through them. They are so dark, that the blue of his pupils is Prussian or Marine, not their normal cobalt color. //He likes Lily this much?! She isn't worth so much open emotion, at least not by my standards.// Abruptly, he storms off. As soon as I am sure he is gone. I release the Illusion and sink, trembling to the ground, exhausted by how much energy it took to maintain that Illusion. //I HATE Illusions! It takes way too much energy just for something that isn't really there. Transfiguration is easier! I should have just transfigured a rock into her but then he would know that it wasn't really her because I wouldn't be able to bring the rock to life.//  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
Just outside my wisdom   
are words that would answer everything.  
  
Next morning:  
  
//James doesn't look too hot. Guess that seeing me with Lily' affected him more than I thought it would. If he is so broken up over an Illusion, I wonder how he'll feel when it's the real thing? Although he didn't know that it was an Illusion, come to think of it......//  
  
Our headmaster stands up and makes an announcement about how we will have a Valentine's Ball this year. Everybody cheers and I catch Lily's eye. She boldly looks back at me, not a trace of regret or surprise in her eyes. //Wonder if James will have the courage to ask her after what he thought he saw last night?//  
  
We stand up and file out of the hall. I can see James talking to Lily, a shy, hesitant look on his face. Lily looks surprised and then compassionate. Now James looks dismayed and kind of embarrassed. //Guess that he did ask her. Better not let her think about that too much.// I gracefully make my way over to Lily.  
  
Let me guess what happened. Poor James wanted to know whether you would have pity on him and accompany him to the Valentine's Ball. And you, being the honorable, truthful person that you are told him that you were already going with me whereupon he told you that I was a demon from the darkest regions of Hell and that you would be well-advised to stay away from me? I tease her with a poker face. She laughs merrily.  
  
Close, but no cookie. She admits, still laughing. You aren't part demon as well though, are you?  
  
Of course not! Besides, if I was, then I would be related to Satan/Lucifer/The Devil Himself. Malfoys are the best at everything.....and are used to having the best which is why I'm going to the dance with you. You are the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most perseverant, the most- Lily cuts me off mid-sentence by placing her index finger over my lips. I kiss it and she laughs, glowing with good health.  
  
Alright, alright! I already agreed to go to the dance with you, remember!   
  
That doesn't mean that I should stop telling you the truth about yourself, does it? I say seriously, looking at her expectantly. She pauses and reflects for a second.  
  
I didn't think that you were telling me the truth at all. Slytherins are notorious liars.  
  
Well, not this Slytherin. I say, kissing the palm of her hand again. //This is working out so perfectly. Wonder what'll happen to James now?//  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
Living for another person   
will cause you more grief   
than living for yourself.   
It will also bring you infinite joy.  
  
Eve of the Valentine's Ball:  
  
The last few days had been like living in a dream for me. Lily was unlike anybody that I had ever known before. She laughed so easily at my jokes, she was normally so happy. She was so gentle, so loving. She wasn't acting or pretending or even playing the kind of games that I was used to. She was so simple, so truthful, so open and honest. And because she thought that I was like her, I tried to be, not to fool her but because for some strange reason I didn't want to disappoint her. Didn't want to look in her eyes and see the revulsion that would surely appear if she knew what I was like. Didn't want to look in her eyes and see my true self reflected back at me.   
  
I wanted nothing more than to be with her, to be with her forever. Voldemort and the Death Eaters had disappeared from my mind. All that I could think of was Lily and her beautiful smile and even more beautiful eyes and how clear and trusting they were. She was a real angel from heaven and I......I was a demon from hell. I forgot what I was like. I lost myself in the depths of her green eyes and I honestly thought that I could change, that I could be who she wanted me to be, that I could be hers.  
  
I had forgotten why I had spoken to her in the first place, why I had turned the full force of my charm on her and I didn't care. I couldn't do anything to hurt Lily, I loved so much that if I hurt her, I would only be hurting myself. Even my rivalry with James had faded away. All else seemed pale and insignificant compared to how deeply I cared for Lily. I bore him no ill will and my former plans to humiliate him were all abandoned. All that mattered to me now was that I could be with Lily.  
  
I was dressed in my best dress robes. They were black with silver threads interwoven into the fabric. It had a hood so I wasn't wearing a hat. Crabbe and Goyle were dressed in tan colored robes that made them look like extra-large anthills. Severus was in a light amber robe that actually looked okay on him. He had enchanted his hair so that it didn't look so greasy. I hadn't seen Lily yet. I was waiting near the head of the stairs for her, like I had been taught to do. Finally I saw her. //WOW! Who knew that a Gryffindor could look so ...so....gorgeous is the only word for it!   
  
She was dressed in an off-shoulder golden-green robe set with a flared hem and sleeves. She had a golden cord with a tassel on the end tied around her waist. It looked perfect with her cerise hair and green eyes. //If I had known that she was this lovely, I would have chased her for her own merits right from the start. No wonder James and the other Gryffindors were so impressed by her.// I bowed to her and handed her the creamy orchid I had bought her for a corsage. Lily looked at me demurely and smiled, holding her hand out so that I could kiss it. I lifted it to my lips, and then pinned the orchid to her dress, right over her heart. We walked down the steps together.  
  
I looked around for James but I couldn't see him anywhere. Sirius was out there, dancing like crazy with Arabella and Remus was lingering in the shadows, talking to a dark-haired Ravenclaw but James was nowhere to be seen. //Too bad that he's missing my moment of triumph.// We reached the bottom of the steps and I swept Lily into a complex waltz. We danced for about 3 songs and then James entered. He was wearing sapphire dress robes and looked very handsome but it was his date that I really noticed. //She has to be at least partly Veela. There is no other way that she could be so alluring, or so enticing, or so fascinating or-//  
  
Lucius, I said that I wanted to sit this one out, okay? Lily asked. I nodded, still dazed. It was the Veela effect, of course. Veela blood attracts other Veela, and male Veela, or male partly Veela were scarce. //If it hit me this hard, I wonder how she felt, whoever she is.// I guided Lily over to the snack table where she started to delicately nibble on a heart-shaped cupcake with pink frosting. All of a sudden, James appeared out of nowhere.   
  
Hi Lily. Hello Lucius. His voice was decidedly colder as he said those last two words. I waved casually at him and bowed to his date. James turned to her.  
  
Narcissa, I'd like you to meet Lily, she's in Gryffindor like me. The boy is Lucius, he's with you in Slytherin. Lily, Lucius, this is Narcissa. She just transferred here from Durmstrang. She's in Slytherin and in our year. I gazed at her leisurely. She had a slim figure with long, elegant legs. Her face was exquisite, her nose Roman and her lips were so full and luscious that I wanted to kiss them. I ran the tip of my tongue over my lips and watched her do the same, unknowingly imitating me. //Guess that means that she was checking me out as well.// I lifted her hand to my lips in a mockery of the way I had kissed Lily's palm. Her silvery-blue eyes met mine and I saw a flash of recognition glint in them. She tossed her head, her long silver hair cascading over her shoulders and spoke.  
  
It is very nice to meet you again Lucius. I did not know that you were in Slytherin with me. She ignored Lily and smiled at me, displaying her perfect white teeth. She was dressed in blue silk robes with swirls of purple-silver in it. James looked at me, he didn't look too pleased. Neither did Lily.  
  
You two know each other? He asked Narcissa, turning his back to me. She laughed.  
  
Our parents are old friends. We haven't seen each other since we were little kids, unfortunately. I doubt that Lucius even remembers me. She replied airily. //Beautiful all right, but she's got cruelty hidden under that heavenly facade. I can see it in her eyes. Evil knows evil.//  
  
Once seen, never forgotten. I quoted. I have to admit that I didn't recognize you immediately because you've changed so much. It is nice to see you again though....Narcissa. I paused for dramatic effect before saying her name. Lily and James both looked displeased so I hastened to make amends.  
  
Lily, my divine angel would you do me the honor of dancing with me? That is, if you aren't too tired to dance. I asked her, watching Narcissa out of the corner of my eyes. //She looks amused. I suppose that she thinks I'm being sarcastic. At start, when I called Lily a divine angel, I was being sarcastic. But now that I know her, I call her an angel merely because it is the most accurate description of her. // Lily said that she would love to dance so we moved off into the crowd on the dance floor although fewer people were dancing now. Most of them were heading towards Narcissa, after all James was one of the most popular boys in Gryffindor.  
  
As we danced I kept an eye on the growing crowd around the snack table. A lot the boys were flocking to the snack table. A lot of the girls were standing next to the wall, looking sulky. //What do they except? They can't compete with someone who's got Veela blood and is a member of one of the most important pure-blood families. They won't be too nice to her when school starts though but I expect that she'll manage somehow. The charisma that Veela blood imports should help her, with the boys at any rate.//  
  
Lucius, you look a bit distracted. Are you worried about something? Lily asked me, looking at me appealingly with her large green eyes. I felt a pang of guilt. //Here I am with one of the most beautiful, most interesting girls in the school and I'm thinking about someone who is almost a total stranger.//  
  
It's nothing Lily. I lied as I swung her around so that my back was to the snack table.  
  
Hey, watch you're going Malfoy! A voice snapped. I turned my head and saw Arthur Weasly. He really doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual, just being around that Muggle-lover makes my fists itch. I was in such a good mood though, I was willing to forgive him.   
  
Sorry Weasly, didn't mean to crash into you like that. I smiled apologetically at him. He looked suspicious and then smiled back.  
  
It's okay Malfoy, it was my fault as well. You look great Lily. He said before he danced away. He and Lily were really close friends, although Lily was probably just as close to Remus who seemed to be her favorite Marauder. // Sirius is probably too violent for her and Peter is too much of a tag-along. James would be a perfect match for her if only she gave him a chance.//   
  
I looked over at James and I felt guilty again, remembering the look of sheer despair that fluttered across his face when he thought he saw Lily kissing me. I shoved the guilt away to the back of my mind. // Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her. Lily loves me and I love her.// I repeated that thought over and over again until I was able to look at James without seeing the anguish on his face that night.  
  
I spent the rest of the night avoiding Narcissa. To make up for my earlier, purely physical attraction to Narcissa I was extra attentive to Lily, refilling her glass, dancing whenever she wanted to, letting her dance with James without a murmur of resentment or protest. I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that I didn't lose her.  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
There is only one doorway   
into Forever...   
and Death keeps the only key.  
  
A month later:  
  
//Narcissa has only been here for a month but she's already extremely popular. She has the perfect combination of good looks, charm and mystique to make people like her.// She wasn't spending much of her time with James because his friends weren't too fond of her. Instead, she had was mainly hanging out with the most influential girls in Slytherin and occasionally with the girls from Ravenclaw who were just as enthralled by her beauty as the Gryffindors were. I didn't really care what she was doing as long as I could be with Lily. I was just so captivated by Lily that I didn't realize what should have been obvious, at least not until Narcissa climbed into my bedroom to tell me.  
  
I had been sleeping peacefully when I felt that there was someone there so I woke up with a jolt. I opened my eyes and saw a dim, wraith-like figure hovering over me. My first instinct was to scream but I checked it before it left my lips.  
  
W-Who are you? Are you some kind of ghost? I asked, my voice quivering even I was doing my best to keep it steady. The figure shifted slightly so that the moonlight no longer streamed over them but onto them and I recognized the figure as Narcissa.  
  
I hissed, more surprised than outraged. What are you doing here? This is the boy's dormitory you know, just in case you got lost. And I already have a girlfriend so I'm not interested in anything you have to say about why you are standing over my bed in the middle of the night. She laughed grimly. // When Lily laughs, I like it because it sounds so cheerful, so friendly. Narcissa sounds scary, like she's laughing at someone else's pain.//  
  
Silly boy. I can't believe that you haven't realized the truth already. I suppose that you are so bewitched by that Mudblood that you've forgotten all your promises to Lord Voldemort. Your Lord and mine. She said harshly, not bothering to whisper.  
  
Will you be quiet! You'll wake the entire dorm up! Wait, did you just say that you're allied to Lord Voldemort? I whispered angrily. //I should have known that she was one of his allies. That would explain why she was being so friendly to me.//  
  
I drugged their soup at the dinner table, besides, they all already know about Lord Voldemort. All of them have sworn the same oaths that you and I have, even if none of them have your potential, even if Lord Voldemort doesn't want them as much as he wants you. She replied, sitting down on the edge of my bed as she spoke.  
  
Well, that's just too bad. He'll just have to do without me. I'm through doing what he wants me to. I don't want to be a Death-Eater anymore. I answered defiantly. She laughed again. It was a jarring, grating sound.  
  
It's because of that girl, isn't it? You think that you've fallen in love with that Mudblood, don't you? She spat out, the very words seeming to defile my love for Lily. //I can't answer that because it's true. I can't come up with any easy retort because it's true. And because I don't see why loving someone is crime.//  
  
It's okay to love someone but not a Mudblood. Narcissa said suddenly, as if she had read my mind. You could do so much better than that. Do you know what love at first sight is? It's what I felt for you. I saw you across the room and my heart stopped. I mean that it actually skipped a beat. I wet my lips, and tried to dissuade her.  
  
That's just the Veela blood in you. It's attracted to the Veela blood in me. I felt the same way but it wore off! I said impatiently. Her eyes lit up.  
  
You admit to feeling the same attraction then. It is a two-way thing. You are my soul-mate Lucius and you can't fight this attraction forever. She declared proudly.   
  
Look, what is it that you don't understand? I love Lily. I do not love you. I am not going to be a Death-Eater. That isn't so complicated, is it? I sneered. I know that sounded callous but I was getting sick of this charade and I wanted to make sure that she wouldn't come back. Her eyes went flat and she glared at me. For a second I was scared that she would transform intodhffd.  
  
You have no choice Lucius. Whether you want to or not, you will become a Death-Eater. You swore fealty to Lord Voldemort and he will not let you escape. If you come willingly, then at least the pain will be less. If you try to hide, then he will hunt you down like a dog and force you to serve him. And as for you beloved Mudblood...........do you really think that Lord Voldemort will want his future right-hand man to be wed to one of those scum? That is only what he'll do if you try to fight him for your own sake. If he thinks that you're resisting him because you care for a Mudblood.........I hate to think what he'll do to her. She said, her voice silky-smooth with deadly malice. She took a deep breath and then continued, a cruel smile on her beautiful face.  
  
He'll probably take her and use the Crucio curse on her to make you suffer. Imagine standing there helplessly, hearing her scream and scream and scream and not being able to a thing about it, knowing that it's your fault that she's in such pain. Even if you agree to join him, he'll keep her as a sort of insurance policy to make sure that you don't double cross him and you'll fill your time wondering what new torment he's- I interrupted her.  
  
Stop it! I cried out, covering my ears. I won't let that happen! I'll defend Lily somehow. I'll fight him, you'll see! She smirked at me. The smirk looked so familiar to me, it was so much like the ones I used to wear.  
  
You won't be able to fight Lord Voldemort, and you won't be able to save your precious Lily either. There's only one way to save her and for that, you'll need my co-operation. Without my help, you'll never make it. You're no idiot either, you know that I'm telling the truth.........you just don't want to believe me. Accept the truth and accept me. She finished. //What is she talking about? I know that I can't defeat Lord Voldemort so what can she do?//  
  
What are you talking about? Are you saying that you're willing to help me fight him? I asked her, my mind racing with possibilities. She sighed impatiently.   
  
No, I'm not crazy enough to go against Lord Voldemort wishes. What I'm offering is a solution to your problem but it depends on what you care about more: your freedom or Lily's life. If you try to cheat Lord Voldemort, you'll both die. If you use my solution, you'll both live.   
  
I was silent for a second, mulling over what she said. //She's right about how my resisting Lord Voldemort will probably cause both our deaths but how can she save us? I don't care what happens, I have to save Lily. She trusted me with her heart, and I love her because she trusts me. Her love is unconditional, there aren't any strings attached. Narcissa's plan, on the other hand, will definitely have a clause that she can profit from. It won't do any harm to just listen to what she has to say.//  
  
Okay Narcissa, I'll bite. What is your plan and how do you benefit? I said sarcastically, not bothering to lower my voice. She smiled a smile without any joy in it.  
  
That would be telling. All I need is your word that you'll marry me and then I'll tell you my plan. If you refuse to marry me, then I'll tell Lord Voldemort everything I know and that is quite a lot.  
  
I shouted before I remembered where I was. I lowered my voice. What! Why would I marry you! You're supposed to tell me how to save Lily, not how to ruin my life and hers!  
  
You are going to save Lily. The only way to do that is if you renounce her. And it won't ruin her life if you marry me. She doesn't care for you the same way you do. She won't ever care for you as much as you want her to. I, on the other hand, would obey your every command, would sell my soul to be yours. She said, looking away from me.  
  
If I lose Lily, it will be like losing my soul. Before Lily came into my life, I doubt that I even had a soul. If I have one now, it is only because of Lily. I argued.  
  
Precisely what I mean. Lord Voldemort won't accept a flawed vessel. It's a joke get it? Vessel, vassal. I groaned at how bad that pun was. She was trying so hard to copy Lily's carefree style but only succeeded in sounding like an idiot.   
  
You want me to join Lord Voldemort and marry you! How is this any different to what would happen if I tried to resist him! I expostulated. She smiled bitterly.  
  
The difference will be that Lily will survive. You won't have her blood on your hands. She said softly, looking at me unyieldingly. I was reminded of the note to Lily that I had written because I had used a similar phrase. Well, what do you say? Will you marry me and join Lord Voldemort, not necessarily in that order?  
  
There was a long silence, fraught with possibilities. Neither of us looked at the other. Narcissa stared out of the window and I glared at the floor. Finally, I spoke, my voice hollow with pain and heavy with grief.   
  
You win Narcissa. I will marry you in exchange for your silence about Lily. A triumphant smile blazed upon her face and then died down. She cleared her throat and spoke, trying to sound diffident.  
  
Swear it in blood.  
  
  
  
Swear it in blood, the way the demons do. I want to make sure that you won't break your promise.  
  
She took my silver-bladed dagger and slit the life-line of my left hand and then slit her own life-line on her left hand and pressed her hand against mine. The blood mingled and then dripped onto the bed. It was symbolic of our life lines being entwined. The life-line stood for our lives, the cuts as a willingness to bear pain for the other person and the mingling of the blood was to signify that we were bound to each other. It hurt, but not as much as the knowledge that I was losing Lily forever.  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
I did not hear   
the words you said.   
  
Instead,   
I heard the love.  
  
Next morning:  
  
Breakfast had just ended. I intercepted Lily before she could leave the hall.  
  
Lily, we need to talk. I said, trying to keep my voice steady. She looked puzzled but smiled at me anyway.  
  
Sure Lucius, whatever you say. She said obediently.  
  
Come on, let's go to the lake and talk. I ordered, pulling her arm in its general direction.  
  
But we'll be late for Divination. She protested.  
  
No we won't. Professor Trelawney will not take our class today. That's my prediction, based on the fact that she will fall ill with a mild case of the flu due to someone slipping a ColdCough potion into her soup. I explained. Now come on.  
  
Okay Lucius. Whatever you want to talk about must be really important if you've gone to all this trouble. She said mildly.  
  
I took to the lake and sat down with her under the very same willow trees that I had been under when James was spying on me. I coughed and looked at Lily, wondering how to start. I practiced what I was going to say to Lily a thousand times on Narcissa but now that she was actually sitting in front of me, looking at me with such trusting green eyes, the glib words escaped me completely. My heart faltered at the thought of what I was about to do and I wanted to give it up but I steeled my heart with the thought of what would happen to Lily if I didn't proceed according to plan.  
  
Lily, I have to tell you something. I said, my voice quavering slightly, despite my attempts to keep it steady.  
  
You can always tell me anything Lucius, you should know that. She said, the love that she felt shining out of her brilliant green eyes. I gulped nervously, letting my emotions show for a brief second. //I-can't-do this-I-can't-do this-I-can't-do-this-I-can't-do this- I-can't-do-this-I-can't-do this-I-can't-do this. I MUST DO THIS!//  
  
Okay then, I don't love you. The only reason that I ever started talking to/ flirting with you in the first place was because I had a bet on with some of the other Slytherins about whether you'd go out with me when you had James trailing after you the whole time. I already had a girl-friend when I asked you to the dance and I've been lying to you the whole time. I already won the bet and so I thought that I'd better tell you the truth because I didn't want you to think that I actually cared about you and also because Narcissa insisted that I come clean. If you want, I won't tell any of the students to spare you from being humiliated.   
  
I had been staring at the lake and talking, I just couldn't face Lily and lie to her like that. It didn't do me any good though because I could see her reflection in the water. I could also see the single tear that slowly trickled down her cheek. She looked heartbroken; as if I had shattered her soul. Seeing her like that, I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her tears away but I couldn't, not if I really loved her. If I really loved her, then I would stay away from her and I'd make sure that she stayed away from me.  
  
Y-You d-don't mean that. She stammered out hesitantly. I laughed as cruelly as Narcissa ever had, though my heart was breaking on the inside to see the misery on her angelic face  
  
Of course I do. Why would I ever care for a Mudblood like you? I don't love you, I don't! I said, emphasizing the word Mudblood' and forcing myself to watch her. She reared back as if I had struck her. Too late, I realized that those last few words sounded hysterical.   
  
Lucius, what's wrong. What happened? Whatever it is, I am sure that we can work through it. Her voice was so tender, and her words so understanding that I almost broke down and confessed the whole thing. Almost but not quite.   
  
Look, what is it that you don't understand? I don't love you and I never want to see you again.. She scanned my face, looking for any sign that I might be lying. Although it took all my will-power to do so, I managed to keep my face locked in an expression of disgust. She sighed with disappointment, a sound that tore at the strings of my heart.  
  
One more chance Lucius. Tell me that you don't mean anything that you just said and I'll believe you, you can't be this heartless when you seemed so nice before. //How can she be this kind? I really don't enough will-power to continue hurting her so I'd better make the next comment a really mean one so that she'll leave or I'll have to give up and tell her the truth.//  
  
I was acting the whole time! That isn't so hard to believe is it? I'm a pure-blood with a future and you're a Mudblood who'll probably end up in the gutters. I don't give a damn about you or anybody else, I always look out for number one, and in this case it's me! She stiffened and looked at me with amazement as if she couldn't believe I said that. She tossed her lovely head and stood up.  
  
Fine. Have it your way Malfoy! I don't ever want to see you again either, you cold, arrogant, heartless, prejudiced pure-blood! With that she stalked off. I watched her leave, storing the memory away deep inside of me so that I would at least have my memories of her, if not the actual thing. //Lily...............//  
  
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#  
  
Success is a garden  
with too much sun.  
  
Be careful it does not dry your roots.  
  
Years later:  
  
I had kept my promise and married Narcissa. I got on fairly well with Narcissa in public but in private we avoided each other as much as possible. I had also joined the Death-Eaters like I had vowed to. Severus Snape had joined also so that he could be with me. Crabbe and Goyle had also joined but I was the favorite of Lord Voldemort. I suspected that Snape was a spy for Dumbledore but I didn't care, I knew that he would never testify against his first friend. He had heard the entire conversation with Narcissa and although I had sworn him to secrecy I was sure that he wouldn't turn on me because he knew I had no choice but to join.  
  
Lily had married James like I knew she would. They had a year-old son called Harry. I also had a son who was the same age as Harry. His name was Draco but unlike Harry, he was next in line for the throne of Lord Voldemort who was his godfather on the insistence of Narcissa. Lord Voldemort was in charge and nobody even dared to utter his name. He was also after the Potters, James, Lily and Harry. I wasn't concerned about that since I knew that Remus and Sirius would rather die than betray their friends.   
  
I had done a lot of horrible things since I became a Death-Eater but none of them worried me; the day that Lily left, I had lost not only my heart but also my conscience. I was living each day as if in a game that I had to win. The words that I had spoken to Lily that fateful day became true; I didn't give a damn about anybody else, I always looked out only for myself. I didn't care about Lord Voldemort or Narcissa or Draco or anyone, I was living in a sort of cocoon where things happened and they didn't concern me. Nothing mattered, and nothing broke through my self-imposed cocoon.  
  
Except for one thing.  
  
Lily's death.   
  
I went to the funeral. It was a cloudy day but as they lowered the coffins into the earth, the clouds parted and a shaft of sunlight illuminated the coffins. They were buried in one grave; James had managed to take Lily with him even when he was dead and she was dead as well. They didn't open the coffins and for that I was glad. I wanted to remember Lily the way she was. The way she tossed her auburn hair over her shoulder, the way her smile brought sunshine, the way her face brightened when she saw me. And the way she had the courage to question me so that she could help me.  
  
Lily, I knew you were the one person who could save me from becoming what I have become. And you knew it as well. But there was one thing that you didn't know.   
  
You never knew how much I loved you.  
  
Authors Note: At the start, Lucius Malfoy was supposed to be the bad guy but somehow, he ended up being a poor, wronged, misunderstood fellow that I felt sorry for. Not a very good story I guess so I don't actually expect you to review it but if you do, I'll be ecstatic. The poetry was written by Joan Walsh Anglund, and the book is called A Cup Of Sun'.


End file.
